The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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