I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i need some magic done to my vagina
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
