I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
