I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
