I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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