Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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