you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
