I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
