God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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