For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
