4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
