you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
