I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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