Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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