You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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