Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize