we have pet lesbian snakes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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