Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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