And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Houston, we have a blender
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
