Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
