Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
