The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
