We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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