Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
