I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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