I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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