it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
