Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
handjob tips. give me some.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
