Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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