I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You are the jesus of drinking
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
