i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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