Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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