You can't motorboat a personality
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I still have a little drunk in my system
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
