she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
