Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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