I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
