I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am one with the molecules
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
