the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize