his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
two words: eviction party
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
