So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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