you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
