Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
