it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
