the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
