There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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