So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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