...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
