well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
