my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize