I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
