i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
