I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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