Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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