Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
