oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize