You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
