The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
