When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
