no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize