also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
