Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
