Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
