we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
