everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
