oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
