I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
