I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
