Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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